Homeless Guy Poses As Teenager To Take School Laptop: A Plan That Was Doomed To Fail
Police in Milledgeville, Georgia arrested a man they say posed as a homeless 14-year-old freshman enrolled at a local high school.
Authorities identified the man as 21-year-old Abay Holmes of Milledgeville, WMAZ reported. Police said Holmes reported himself as a teen named Awan Thomas and enrolled virtually at Baldwin County High School.
Holmes reportedly provided a fake name, birthdate, home address, social security number and other fraudulent information to register as a student at the school last week, The Union-Recorder reported, citing local authorities. The district then issued him a laptop to complete his coursework.
A good Samaritan who let the homeless “teen” stay at her home called police after he became “unruly” and disrespectful, Capt. Brad King with the Baldwin County Sheriff’s Office told McClatchy News. When she asked that he leave, the woman said Holmes tried taking the school-issued laptop with him but she refused.
Deputies managed to catch up with Holmes after he left the home.
Full story here.
First of all, insane that he was able to pull this off. I feel like you’ve got to have very boyish features to be able to pull this off. Freshmen look like little babies, and those that don’t draw immediate attention. Everybody knows they don’t belong.
Also, I feel bad for the guy. What a terrible pickle to find yourself in. You’re just trying to get a slightly functioning power brick to play minesweeper on, and next thing you know you’re trapped in the body of high school freshman and your life SUCKS. This is like Big 2: Oh Fuck Now I’m A Kid and let me tell you it is a tragedy.
High school fucking blows.It. Fucking. Blows. I think I can speak on some authority with regards to this as someone who even in the vicinity of a high school finds themself miserable. Aside from going back and crushing sports, there is absolutely nothing redeeming about returning to high school, not when you’ve already done it. YOu’ve got no independence, you can’t drive, you’re forced to sit still for 8 hours a day and still do 3-4 hours of homework when you get home. It’s terrible. The only thing that got us through was the mystery and allure of what lay beyond. I remember vividly spending my early high school years legitimately convinced that I was going to die before I ever had sex. That’s how dire things were. That’s how out of reach the real world was. I had no choice to survive the fucking grind of the day to day, all to see if one day I’d have sex! There’s no way I could do that now. Now that I’ve visited greener pastures I’d rather do anything else in the world over go back to high school.
So let’s revisit the arc of our tragic hero. He poses as a high school freshmen, gets a laptop, and suddenly has to act that story out in full. What’s he supposed to do? Dutifully do his homework for the year and just ride off into the sunset during summer vacation, IF HE’S LUCKY? This guy might be looking at four years of high school. I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy. Of course he got agitated, disrespectful and blew his cover. This guy wasn’t ready for that level of commitment for what I’m sure was a pretty shitty computer.
Had he made it, the CIA would have been all over this guy. If you can pretend to be 14 and do four years of high school at age 21 - you can do ten years in an Iranian nuclear facility.
