Man Builds Backyard "Nutty-Bar" For Squirrels: And Even Though I Can’t Put A Finger On Why, I Hate Him With My Whole Heart
People are going nuts for an Ohio woodworker's latest creation: A bar that caters to neighborhood squirrels.
Michael Dutko, a 35-year-old hobbyist, has been creating art and household items from wood for most of his life, and even chronicles it on his YouTube channel Duke Harmon Woodworking. But it's his fun twist on a squirrel feeder that's made him Internet famous.
"The Nutty Bar," which is attached to his backyard fence in Hilliard, looks just like a real bar, and even has a range of nuts on tap.
Lucky squirrels who find their way to the bar get to choose from seven different nuts named after beers: Cashew Dunkel, Peanut Pilsner, Almond Ale, Walnut Stout, Sunflower Saison, Pecan Porter and Pistachio Pale Ale.
Dutko's favorite part of the bar is its quirky bathroom sign: "Nuts" and "No Nuts."
Full story here.
There must be something wrong with me. There must be something broken, deep, deep inside of me because on the surface there’s a lot to like about this story. There’s immaculate craftsmanship, there’s a deep love and servicing of nature, there’s community support, and at the end of the day there’s a very creative use of quarantine time.
But, at the end of the SAME day, fuck this guy. Fuck this guy and the wooden horse he rode in on. Fuck this guy and his different taps of different nuts. Oh you’ve got your cashew, your almond, and your himalayan tree nut, fuck you dude. Seriously. Just feed your squirrels like the rest of us, and go to bed.
There’s something that just disgusts me over this amount of talent. There’s something that makes me so mad, that I struggle to get out of bed without consuming my bodyweight in cheetos and this guy’s carving full squirrel taverns without even realizing he’s good at it. Maybe it’s an engrained hatred for Owen Wilson’s character from Meet The Parents; maybe this guy’s just sending pictures of the squirrels pigging out at his nut bar to his ex’s fiancé until he folds. I don’t know, but something about this triggered me on a profound level. Just be lazy, man. Or make a bar for not squirrels. Help us, help humans, we need it right now.
