Turns Out Sperm Don't Swim Like Lame-o's Instead Roll Over Like Playful Otters

As scientists over the centuries continued to look down from above in their microscopes, there's no doubt of what their eyes saw and recorded on film: Sperm swim by moving their tails from side to side.

Now, using state-of-the-art 3D microscopy and mathematics, a new study says we have actually been the victims of "sperm deception."

"Sperm are very cheeky little creatures. Our new research using 3D microscopy shows that we have all been victims of a sperm deception," said study author Hermes Gadelha, head of the Polymaths Laboratory at the University of Bristol's department of engineering mathematics in the UK.

"Human sperm figured out if they roll as they swim, much like playful otters corkscrewing through water, their one-sided stroke would average itself out, and they would swim forwards," said Gadelha, who is an expert in the mathematics of fertility.

Full story here.

You’ve got to be way too psyched about your job as a sperm guy to come up with that gleeful analogy. Maybe I’m speaking as someone with below average otter exposure; I’m sorry that we only had one in my Vermont river town and it was infamous for attacking the elderly. But my point is whoever looked at “sperm” and thought “otters” spends considerably too much time with otters. You just jumped from worm to otter. That’s the equivalent of going from a ten minute mile to a 5 minute mile. In one case you’re getting drug tested, in the other you’re getting weird looks from your coworkers.

Sperm went from being little weird worms we looked at in Look Who’s Talking and its acclaimed sequel to the protagonist of a Redwall book- huge level up for them. 

Not so much for our playful otter friends. I mean what did otters do wrong? These guys were on top of the world! Two days ago if you say the word otter to me I’d incorrectly clap my hands like a seal and correctly think of a cute little water dog. Now you say otter, I think of sperm. Because that’s the flip side of this. If we’re saying sperm roll over like playful otters, then we’ve got to say that playful otters (all otters as I’ve been taught by the media) roll over like average sperm. You tell me who wins that tradeoff.