Trump “Singing” The National Anthem Is Like Me “Saying” The Complicated Prayers At Passover
Ohhhh boy. Been there, man. I’ve been there. Passovers come, and Passovers go, and each time I crush Dayanu thinking that I’m in the clear. Suddenlythat really complicated prayer comes out of nowhere and somehow my family is reciting it at a million words per minute, and I’m left gasping trying to fucking chant along. Every fucking year. I’m like, “Hey if I hum this right and say with some semblance of pronunciation I should be in the clear, right?” I somehow become the loudest one in the room just chanting gibberish and that’s exactly what Trump is doing here. You can see it. He knows he’s on camera, he realizes he forgets our national anthem, and he goes with the “every third word” move; a technically flawed but oftentimes desperate strategy.
As far as Passover goes, this is my fault: I continually celebrate the Jewish holiday but never learned enough Hebrew as a kid. My bad! This is where the president and I differ. I don’t speak enough Hebrew to actually say all of the prayers at Passover, but I also didn’t pursue being a rabbi, or being, say, the President of the United States of Passover Seders. I’m not critiquing others for not knowing all the words to the seder prayers. I’m not yelling at my family members for not saying the prayers loud enough. No, I’m just trying to say every third word without blowing my fucking cover.
This is classic subterfuge, Mr. President! Gotta keep a low profile when you don’t know the words to something. I’m going to go into Passover this year the same way I always do, well-hydrated, well-oiled, and ready to keep my mouth somewhat shut when the time comes. As far as you, that strategy’s shot. Take a look at this, memorize away, and say you had four cough drops in your mouth. Boom.
