A Snake Just Gave Birth Without Contacting A Male In 15 Years And That Is BAAAAD For Us

Sep 15

Sep 15 A Snake Just Gave Birth Without Contacting A Male In 15 Years And That Is BAAAAD For Us

Zookeepers at the Saint Louis Zoo were surprised to see their oldest snake coiled around a clutch of freshly laid eggs because she hadn't been near a male in more than 15 years.
The ball python, which has been at the zoo since 1961, laid seven eggs on July 23, Mark Wanner, the Zoological Manager of Herpetology told CNN.
"It was a surprise. We didn't expect her to drop another clutch of eggs, honestly," he said.
Females can also store sperm for delayed fertilization, but Wanner said the longest documented case they found of that happening was seven years after the contact.
Full story here.

This is bad. Well actually, for us it’s bad. For the snakes- this is terrific news. First of all all the credit in the world to this strong, independent snake who took ‘not needing a man’ to the next level. Hats off to you. You’ve really opened up a fascinating conversation on the new limits of your species. I’m sure some scientist out there can’t stop jerking off to the thought of this whole event. I for one am not jerking off, but panicking in a cold sweat.

This is great news for snakes, but again, terrible news for us. Know this is dark, but we can’t control the snake population without them breaking all the rules we THOUGHT existed on the formation of the nuclear snake family. We’ve tried every trick in the book to take these guys out. Every trick. So many dirty, dirty tricks. That was all when we thought you needed two snakes to make a hundred more!

I guess scientists already knew that this particular snake could reproduce asexually, but typically there needs to be contact with a male far, FAR more recently than 15 years (the record is 7). 15 years is no joke, 7 YEARS IS NO JOKE. I mean we’ve got no fucking shot. Preventing a snake from seeing a male for at least 7 years is like trying to keep a couple horny 7th graders six inches apart at the school dance. Either we drastically underestimated these beasts, or they’re evolving; either way, it’s bad! That analogy’s kind of purpose in a way, in one you’re trying to prevent Timmy from getting a boner and in the other on you’re trying to stop Slytherin from taking over the world (fuck you JK Rowling).