Police Think Guy Has Been Murdered: Turns Out He’s Just Been Living In The Woods For Five Years

A Lithuanian man who disappeared in Britain almost five years ago and became the subject of a murder inquiry has been found living in dense undergrowth.

Ricardas Puisys was last seen on Saturday, September 26 2015 while working for a fruit and vegetable producer in Cambridgeshire, eastern England.

Concerns were raised when the then 35-year-old failed to turn up for work the following Monday. By the November of that year, a murder investigation was launched.

But on Monday, police revealed that the "complete mystery" had been solved after Puisys was found living in wooded area in the town of Wisbech.

In last year's update, they said that the investigation had changed direction after a Facebook account was set up in the missing man's name with images that they believed to be of him.

Full story here.

Just your classic “we thought he was dead but he’s been camping since 2015.” To be honest, I didn’t know this could happen. I mean it’s straight out of a tv show. Police have completely written a guy off as dead, and then boom, five years later turns out he’s just been living in the weeds! 

The big question I have is: the police definitely fucked up, right? I don’t want to go pointing fingers for no reason because I don’t know the extent of the investigation or any details associated with it- but also that’s kind of the point, I think you’ve got to put those out there! We need to know you did your job! You told people a guy was dead! And he wasn’t! Was there anything to point to his demise, or could you just not figure it out and so decided to go with “probably dead”? 

Also it needs to be said that I am SO INTERESTED in this guy. You’ve got to be in so much danger to just disappear one day and spend the next five years eating tree bark. That’s commitment! It’s difficult enough to get my friends to go camping, so I’m confident that at least half the people I know would likely prefer death to that fate. So, in some ways, this was impressive. In other ways, not so much.

I can’t believe someone would go through all the motions, the tediousness, the discomfort, the boredom, and the overall grind of wiping your ass with leaves for five years to FUCK IT ALL UP BY MAKING A FACEBOOK PROFILE. There’s no doubt it’s him that made it. Fortunately for the state of our society it’s not a cultural norm in any part of the world to just whip up profiles for dead people five years after the fact. But really, was it worth it? Did you need to win a poke war that badly? I’m sure you lost weight while faking your own death in the woods, but did you need to update the profile pic that badly? I almost feel bad for the guy.  Facebook five years ago might have been worth blowing your cover for, but at this point the guy probably would have been better just making a finsta and going from there. You faked your own death dude, the last thing you want to do is let whose never been in the woods like Mark Zuckerberg know that you have an affinity for Tik Tok compilations. Did he think that the people just wouldn’t notice? That the police department just forgot that a guy in their community just fucking disappeared? I just don’t know.

It’s ironic because this guy blew his fake death by making a social media account, and I have 100% accidentally liked a photo from YEARS AGO considered faking my own death. In a way we form a yin and yang of social media incompetence.

All in all this is simultaneously the most impressive and most dumbfounding move I think I’ve ever seen. A+ execution on disappearing into thin air. F- execution on not making a profile on the social media outlet that provides by far the most personal information to the cloud. Anyways, glad he’s safe, glad he’s in good hands, and glad he’s back online.

p.s. there’s gotta be a cutoff for how far back you can like a picture and it just be “weird” before you fake your own death, right? I don’t know what it is, but I’ll find it.

p.p.s. terrible reveal that you’re alive after five years. That’s probably the worst part. Yeah I’m worried that the guy’s life is in danger and all, but the disappointment in not having the greatest “I’m alive!” moment where everybody cums their pants and chokes on their lobster at the same time is so disappointing the guy might have to go back to the woods.