James Blunt Gave Himself Scurvy Like An Idiot

James Blunt has admitted that he contracted scurvy after going on a meat-only diet out of “principle” to take a stand against his vegan friends.

The You’re Beautiful singer, 46, became a carnivore for two months - consuming nothing but chicken and mince - after finding himself “surrounded by vegetarians”.

Blunt was eventually diagnosed with scurvy, a disease brought on by a lack in vitamin C.

Scurvy is becoming “a little more common in the UK” but is still considered rare, according to Azmina Govindji, spokesperson for the British Dietetic Association, who warns that cutting out any food group from your diet involves risks of “lacking essential nutrients”.

Full story here.

I’ll get this out of the way first. I love me some spite. I take my spit rare, I take it well done, I take it fresh off the fucking stove, I take it so frozen I’ve got to nuke it just to chip it with an ice pick. If you’re going to get scurvy and you’re not a pirate, then you’ve got to get it being spiteful. And that’s exactly what our beautiful friend James Blunt did. He got tired of all these people eating vegetables and decided to eat nothing but meat. Remarkably similar to my stance on vegetarians when I was in high school and dating one, and remarkably why I’m not married to her now.

Now that I’ve made it clear that I would root for spite 99 times out of a hundred, let me make it clear that you’ve got to be such a fucking piece of shit to give yourself scurvy this way. I hate someone like James Blunt who decides to just go full carnivore to make a point, just as much as I hate someone who decides to be a vegan to gain some moral high ground. Oh congrats man, you got tired of people being picky eaters so you decided to eat meat pies for two months. There’s a reason people don’t do that, it’s because it’s terrible for you and get scurvy. This is the thing I don’t know how you can’t understand: people have always had to be able to live off of vegetables. You had to. Meat wasn’t a sure thing until the Donner Party. If you missed out on the hunt you were back to berries and grass seeds! So in a way, whether it’s your party or not, we’ve had a strain of vegetarian/veganism in us from the start. This is not the case with eating meat. Nobody was running around with an excess of wooly mammoth meat. Nobody was in a situation where all they could eat was meat with no fruits, no vegetables. That is, except for pirates, and pirates have no teeth and typically short shelf lives. How does it feel, James Blunt, to deserve scurvy more than almost anyone who’s ever had it?

“And it took me about six to eight weeks to get very unhealthy and see a doctor, who then said 'I think you've got the symptoms of scurvy'.

“He said you are really lacking in vitamin C so I took it upon myself to drink orange juice every night - then I nearly developed acid reflux.”

The crazy thing is that the giving-yourself-scurvy part of this isn’t even the worst part of this story. The worst part is that the next thing James Blunt does is give himself acid reflux from drinking orange juice every night before bed. He doesn’t even know how to drink orange juice correctly. Just drink it in the morning like a normal fucking person. Or , god forbid, just eat an orange. Do the opposite of whatever you think you should do. I don’t think anyone has ever had scurvy at the same time as acid reflux, and it’s so stupid it’s almost impressive.

James Blunt is on the way to being the least healthy pirate in the world and it’s 2020 for god-sake.