Girl Scout Cookies Putting Out French Toast Flavor, And I'll Hate It So You Don't Have To
French toast is no longer just for the breakfast table. Starting in 2021, it can pair just as well with wine as a dessert -- thanks to a new Girl Scouts cookie flavor.
The Girl Scouts of the United States of America on Tuesday announced that Toast-Yay!, a new flavor, will be added to the 2021 cookie season lineup. The bread-shaped cookies look like miniature slices of French toast topped with icing.
Due to the pandemic, Girl Scouts began offering consumers the option to buy cookies online through their Girl Scouts Cookie Care or donate cookies to communities in need.
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Oh spare me, the “ohhh it looks so good and it’s got fwwosting” argument. It’s pathetic. If I was a weaker man I’d agree. But I’m not. I’ll be strong while you cannot. Don’t be like this guy.
As one person tweeted in reaction to the new cookie flavor, "This is the news we needed in 2020!"
Oh fuck no, it is not. Give me the news that thye’ve sent this frankestein of a cookie back into its cave and fracked it. It’s not the time for this. It’s 2020. This is not the year to put the chips on the table. We got fire tornados. We got murder hornets. We got mad ladies kicking horny geese in the head. It’s all new. I’m done with the new shit. I don’t need anything new. I don’t need surprises.
Take back this cookie, Girl Scouts of America. Give us what we know, and what we love- spare the cute experimental shit for a year where I’m not having to blog about animal vengeance and people putting Hitler’s party mansion on their bucket list. You want to give us something nice? You want to surprise us? Give us all the normal shit we love for half off, hell make them free. We didn’t get free college or free insulin this year so might as well throw in some free thin mints, and just actively commit to murdering all of the type 1 diabetics within ear shot.
All this criticism aside, I gotta give it to the girl scouts- good job making it easier to buy these things. One of the few things preventing my BMI from sky rocketing over 60 is that fact that I’m too afraid to make friends with an eight year old girl like some really sad clown. I’m too anti social to to buy girl scout cookies! Needless to say, it’s also not the easiest because I don’t want to be around anyone when I buy girl scout cookies. Too embarrassing. That’s sneaky the worst part of all of it. You’re trying to buy these cookies but in every scenario there’s a little girl judging the fuck out of you. All I can do is shout, “one day you’ll be sad too!” through a mouthful of Samoas and hot tears. God damn the french toast cookie, but thank god for the internet.
