Note To Self/ A Certain Congressman From North Carolina: Probably Not A Great Idea To Say Visiting Nazi Landmarks Is On Your “Bucket List”

A Republican congressional candidate in North Carolina first archived, then reinstated, photos on his Instagram account from a 2017 vacation to Adolf Hitler’s Eagle’s Nest retreat after a recent news article about them.

The post shows 25-year-old Madison Cawthorn and his brother grinning in front of the Nazi retreat where Hitler often vacationed in Germany.

“The vacation house of the Führer,” Cawthorn wrote in a caption for the post, addressing Hitler using the reverential term Nazis associated with their leader.

Full story here.

The vacation house of the Führer. Seeing the Eagles Nest has been on my bucket list for awhile, it did not disappoint. Strange to hear so many laughs and share such a good time with my brother where only 79 years ago a supreme evil shared laughs and good times with his compatriots.

Post here.

First of all dude, just be a normal person. Limit your bucket list to climbing Everest and petting a tiger. Nothing raises eyebrows faster than a Hitler guy. And other than owning Mein Kampf for ‘educational purposes’ nothing makes you seem like more of a Hitler guy than putting your visit to his house on your bucket list, or calling him the Führer. You know who called Hiter “the fürher”? Nazis. Just call him Hitler like everybody else not in the Third Reich. Additionally,  I think we’re all better off reserving bucket lists for learning a new language, having sex in libraries, restoring a classic mustang, doing meth, baking the perfect apple pie, not crying after coitus one time, going to London, and other fun stuff like that. Bucket lists insinuate a real concrete desire to do something. I mean you’re literally saying, “this is something I MUST do before I die.” And I hate to tell you but it’s just a bad look to have that level of desire related to anything nazi-related. Like, really dude? You need to visit Hitler’s house that badly? 

 I’d try to think of different phrases when referring to the parties that have perpetrated war crimes and genocide, but again, I myself am not a war criminal or a perpetrator of genocide, so maybe I’m the one with the fucked up concept of a bucket list! I put people who visit Hitler’s house as a bucket list item on the same list of people who choose to be war reenactors of that side.

Before the guy who randomly commented on my 2018 blog “Do People Really Order Cereal At Diners?” chimes in again to tell me I don’t appreciate the intricacies of war reenactment, let me just clear something up. I do fucking appreciate it. You know why? Because I was little fucking nerd kid. I was little fucking nerd whose four dream jobs were be a war reenactor, work at a renaissance fair, be an FBI agent, or own a bar. Dream big, young nerd Keegs. So I do appreciate it, and if you’re out here sowing your own uniform to recreate a battle from the War of 1812, more power to you. We all have our different ways to pass the time. I like to sit on my couch in darkness and rewatch New Girl for the seventh time. You like to scour EBAY for the right type of toggle button for The Battle of Queenston Heights. That’s all good. But, if you’re sewing the iron eagle on your jacket for every other Saturday of the month- I’m probably making some sweeping generalizations about you. I wouldn’t call you a straight up nazi but I’d say you’re one or two steps removed, which for the record is not enough steps removed! Is that fair? I legitimately could not care less.

 I apologize to any of my readers who are suddenly facing urgent bucket list edits, but there’s just some people and things that don’t belong on there. It’s an easy fix! Just be more general! Don’t focus so much on the specifics. Instead of seeming infatuated with Hitler’s house (weird), try to seem interested in some WWII historical sites as well (worldly). Visit a couple other places first! Try not to seem like a Hitler-fanboy! It’s not a high bar people, he sucked at just about everything.

There’s nothing worse than a super serious history guy who can’t understand the fact that some things are impossible to look at objectively. Nobody’s out here clamoring that Hitler was douchebag but made a mean weinerschnitzel. No we just think he sucks. He’s just one of those guys we unanimously decided was a complete loser. This includes his house. It sucks. It’s ugly. It’s stupid. It’s haunted by loser virgin ghosts. Just pee on it next time. You accomplish all your goals by dousing it with a steady stream. It puts you in firm support of the Allies (good), it boosts your rating (good), it shows you pee on nazis (good), and it’s funny (very good, and surprising)! Shit on the front porch and hit a home run with the 18-34 crowd!

It’s not hard! Just think of what a nazi would have on their bucket list, and don’t have those things on yours!