HENDRICKS COUNTY, Ind. -- There have been nearly 80 hepatitis A cases in Indiana in 2018, about four times the normal amount recorded in one year.

The outbreak of hepatitis A has concerned public health officials, said Teresa Krupka, a public health nurse for the Hendricks County Health Department.       

Hepatitis A is a viral infection of the liver. It is most commonly spread through contact with the feces of an infected person. Transmission is presumed to occur person-to-person and through injection drug use, according to the Centers for Disease Control. 

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Let me tell you this, Indiana didn’t need this. I drove through all of Indiana on my road trip from Chicago to Atlanta. This much I know, I think that’s the most boring road trip of all time and Indiana sure as fuck didn’t help in any way. Given it was a sad month (late December) but Indiana was cold, grey, seemingly empty, and I passed Indianapolis without even noticing. Well now Indiana’s got Hepatitis A. That’s honestly the most interesting thing I know of that’s going on with it right now. This makes sense for a couple reasons, 1. we already know that everybody’s been getting Hepatitis A from 7-11’s, and Indiana might be the most likely state to consistently dine out at 7-11; and 2. in high school my parents warned me not to eat at the local all-night diner because they claimed all of the cooks had Hep A, well that diner sure reminds me a lot of Indiana. Boom, that'd stand up in a court of law.

I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just saying that Indiana is sad as hell. It’s got enough going on without becoming our new Leper/Hepatits A colony, and I’m in dire need of a good Indiana experience. If anybody has any good Indiana stories, please submit them, because at this point I think of it as the state which is really boring looking, where you watch high school basketball games for fun, and are probably going to get sad Hep A from touching somebody else’s sad shit.