Isaiah Thomas Gets Traded: Finally Being Treated Like A Short Guy Again

Big news today, folks. We get the full details on the Isaiah Thomas trade, and frankly, whatever: I’m just glad he got traded again. Not only glad, I’m psyched that he got traded again. Finally, fucking finally, short guys are being treated like short guys again. Look, I love IT, but he was fucking everything up. A guy who stands barely five feet tall, basically a legal dwarf, leading the Celtics to the playoffs, swinging his disproportionally huge wiener around, and eventually taking the court with the contenders in the East: we were living in the fucking upside down.

I mean look I root for the underdog all the time, but let’s be reasonable. Short guys are always the dudes who get picked last, and traded first. Treating short guys like this started on the playground, and just stayed the same since. It didn’t matter if you never touched the ball, every loss was your fault. It was true during recess soccer, and it’s still true now in professional basketball: that’s the first casualty to go when shit hit the fans. Doesn’t matter if you just got traded to a new team, are coming off a bad injury, and have only played in fifteen games: if your team sucks, sorry man, you’re the first to go!