If All The Athletes Get Norovirus We Have To Cancel The Olympics, Right?
(CNN)South Korea has deployed 900 military personnel after 1,200 security guards were pulled from duty following an norovirus outbreak at Winter Olympic facilities in Pyeongchang.
Organizers said 41 security guards had suffered a sudden onset of vomiting and diarrhea on Sunday and had been taken to hospital. The outbreak comes just days before the opening of South Korea's 2018 Winter Olympics on Thursday.
To prevent the spread of the disease, the other guards were withdrawn and replaced with 900 military personnel as of Monday afternoon, a statement from the Pyeongchang Olympics committee said.
Full story here.
I love the Olympics! I don’t want this blog to be construed as me rooting for the Olympics to fail- I’d never want that! In terms of sporting events I’d rank the Olympics as #4 behind: #3 the NBA Finals, #2 the Superbowl, and at #1, the World Cup. So yeah, I dig the shit out of the Olympics. Blind patriotism, so many drinking games, and a healthy dose of competition: what’s not to like? I’m writing this blog to raise awareness of a growing threat.
According to Wikipedia, the Olympics have started around the 9th century BC and took their current form, after a couple centuries off, with the forming of the International Olympic Committee in 1894. Since then, we’ve had nations boycott and nations cheat (cough cough see ya Russia) but save for the years that the World was too busy fighting terrible, terrible wars to throw spears and run in circles, the Olympics have gone on. The Olympics have stood the test of time in that, save for the World War years; nobody’s fucked up and ruined it yet! That can all change though: and if there’s one thing that will ruin the Olympics- you better believe that it’s everybody shitting their pants from norovirus.
Norovirus is a powerful enemy, not to be underestimated. You think World War II was bad? Norovirus is World War II inside your small intestine: number of casualties? You, your pride, and any semblance of decency you ever had. As many of you know, due to a recent bout with food poisoning I am the resident expert on pooping my pants, and I say with confidence that athletes are not going to be pleased with pooping their pants on international television. Pooping your pants is not a fun thing, and it takes a physical toll: browning your long johns during an already physically strenuous activity, like sport? Forget about it. The only hope is that the virus gets cleared up before the athletes arrive because let's be clear, there are no ifs, ands, or buts, if people get norovirus then they're pooping themselves: that's just the reality we have to expect.
So yes, this is a big deal. We’ve got a million security guards shitting themselves in South Korea and the Olympics are on the line. If the world gets norovirus we all lose. Even if we win, we lose. You have any idea the number of poop memes that are going to flood the Internet if this goes down? A billion. A thousand years from now they’ll look back at this as that one time that all the people shat themselves in the name of sport. That’s a terrible look, even for the sake of the Olympics.
