Cool! It’s official! Time to panic! Not only are we not winning in the humans vs. animals war any more, which is shocking, but they’re coming back with a vengeance. For those of you who avoid the mainstream media like the plague, here’s my polio vaccine small stream media explanation: basically every assumption we’ve ever made about animals and how they hunt, live, bang, and make the world their kingdom was established when all predators were dying out- so now that they’re not dying out, it turns out we were wrong the whole time.

I tell you what, it’s one thing when a blog run by an animal fearing coward talks about predators showing up in too any places, it’s another thing entirely when it’s being run by a veritable main stream source: the United Press International . Well now we’ve got UPI and Here’s A Blog Are You Happy Now united for the first time in history, talking about how this is abnormal and we’re all fucked.

It’s one thing if this happens when we’re hardened predator resistors, that’d be no trouble at all, “oh easy, we’ll just endanger all of this species all over again.” But right now we’re a bunch of soft boiz. We’ve taught ourselves to like animals. We value balance in the ecosystem. Well guess who’s ecosystem is about to be top heavy! We work up a sweat walking down the stairs to collect our seamless order and now we’ve got grizzly bears moving back into the city. Put everything else back on hold, we’ve got to make all fur trade legal again!

To be fair, I’ve been saying this for months. I cannot state drastically enough how ON this story the blog has been. Broken news once again, folks, that’s two weeks in a row. Watch out, folks, because we’re due some respect. Airplane windows are fucked, predators don’t want to be put in a box, and we may just be the investigators you deserve after all. Give us our Webby. We want our Webby.